


The Feeling Of Love

by emjellybean



Series: Emotions Are Like Drugs [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drug Use, M/M, but drugs none the less, first wincest fic sorta, not real life drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 02:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2635190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emjellybean/pseuds/emjellybean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean was born with no emotion. His brother Sam was born with only a few. Dean deals drugs that will make the emotionless feel certain emotions. He decides to take some himself and it leads to very interesting things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Feeling Of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here's the wincest part! (You really don't have to read the first part unless you want to, but there is a small reference to it in the beginning that hints at what happened with them after what I wrote, so if you like the pairing Phan and want to check it out then do so because it'll be a little more of an impact of "oh my god" instead of "wow, damn people". I don't know. Do whatever you want.)  
> Obviously out of character, I mean...  
> Tell me if it's horrible writing or if I have any spelling errors and such.  
> Enjoy! ^^

Dean had been dealing these emotion drugs for a about four months now. He did it in secret, obviously, since the drugs were illegal and he was 22, so they could throw his ass right in jail. He’d already heard about someone who took a little too much anger and killed a guy. They found it in his blood and now he’s on death row…or at least he would be if he hadn’t ran away with his boyfriend. Some people.  
  
He understood the people’s need for certain emotions, though, and started to take them himself a few days after he started to sell them. He’s the only one in his family that wasn’t born with any emotions. None of them. Meanwhile, his younger brother, Sam, was born with only a few: love, fear, empathy, and hope.  
  
Dean had caught Sam looking at him differently than normal. He didn’t understand what that look meant or why he was even looking at him in the first place. One time, when he was eating breakfast, he caught Sam staring at him. “What?” He asked.  
  
“Oh, no, it’s nothing.” Sam looked down, shaking his head. “Don’t worry about it.”  
  
“No. What’s the look for?”  
  
“It’s nothing, Dean.”  
  
“…okay.” He finished his food without any more questions. He wondered if it had something to do with his emotions. He wasn’t sure.  
  
-  
  
One day after school, Sam came up to Dean and hugged him. Dean hadn’t been expecting it, but he hugged him back. He’d probably just had a bad day.  
  
“I love you, man.” Sam told him.  
  
“I…” He was going to respond with the same, but he realized that he really couldn’t. He didn’t know what love felt like or if he would feel the same way about Sam. He didn’t even know what Sam really meant by that. He assumed Sam loved him the same way his dad loved him. They were family, so Dean knew he’d love them, too if he could. He just wished he could feel it.  
  
That’s the reason he started to take some of the love drug from his own stash, even though he was supposed to be selling them. He could deal with the consequences, but at the moment all he really needed was to feel what his family felt. He wasn’t sure if he was going to like it, so he just drank it with some water (If he didn’t drink it with something, his throat would burn if strong enough and the right amount. There were already several reports about people dying from that.) because it wouldn’t last nearly as long as others. When it kicked in, it wasn’t nearly like what he thought it would be like. He thought he would love everyone and everything, but instead he just smiled at fond memories of people he enjoyed being around, mostly memories of Sam. He left his room to go to Sam’s since he was home and he wanted to see if anything would be different when he saw him.  Right when his eyes met Sam’s, his heart skipped a beat. He felt like the breath got knocked out of him and he was really at a loss for words. “H-hey, Sammy.”  
  
“Hey, Dean. What is it?” Sam asked, a bit confused at Dean’s slightly different behavior.  
  
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “Nothing at all just…you love me, right?”  
  
Sam looked even more confused, but then laughed. “Of course I do. You’re my brother. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone in the world.”  
  
Dean smiled. “Can you say it?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Can you say it. That you love me.”  
  
Sam got up and walked over to him. “Are you alright?” He asked. He felt Dean’s forehead.  
  
Dean grabbed Sam’s hand. “I’m fine. Just say it. Please.”  
  
“Okay…I love you.”  
  
Dean’s smile grew wider and he felt this sudden urge inside himself to kiss his brother. He quickly threw away the thought, being able to control the love going through his body.  He took a step back. “I’m gonna…go see dad.” He left the room quickly. He needed to see if he got the same reaction when he saw his father. The thing was, he didn’t. He felt a completely different kind of love for Sam than he did for his dad. With his dad, he wanted to hug him and hang out with him and be supported by him. With Sam, he wanted to kiss him, to hold him and never let go. He wanted Sam to say that he loved him over and over again. Hearing him say it made him happy to no end. With the confusion and realization, he locked himself in his room until it wore off, the whole time thinking of Sam.  
  
-  
  
Two weeks later was when he decided to take the drug again. When he took it, he was out at a bar. He needed to see if it would have the same effect on him with other people as it did with Sam. What he realized when he’d looked around and didn’t feel a single bit of love in him except for the pain he felt that Sam wasn’t with him. It wasn't that he didn’t love Sam, no, he was in love with him. He was sure that was how people described it to him before. It wasn’t normal, though. He knew that. He remembered hearing how grossed out people were when they found out that someone in his high school was in love with his sister. He started to wonder if something was wrong with him and before he knew it, he was crying. He thought love was supposed to make him feel happy, but so far all it made him feel was pain.  
  
Since then, he stopped trying to even think about taking any more of those drugs and stuck with just dealing them for others to enjoy.  
  
-  
  
For some reason, even though he hadn’t taken that much, he was having side effects from not having any the past week. His vision sometimes blurred, he felt nauseous at times, he couldn’t sleep some nights, and he’d get random fevers. He dealt with it for a few days until he just couldn’t take it anymore. He needed something. He dug through the drawers of his dresser, but couldn’t find any bottles, that is, except for one. The person who gives them to him said it was a newer mixture that had been getting passed around, but he didn’t tell him what it was. He didn’t hesitate and he looked around, his vision becoming blurry once again. He looked down at the small container and then tipped his head back and pour it down the back of his throat. It burned badly, tears threatening to fall.  
  
Then, it hit him. The feeling of the drug, of the emotion. He felt terrified. Tears quickly streamed down his cheeks and he fell to the ground, shaking and holding himself. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He felt like he was going to die because he’s so stupid and just doesn’t deserve it. What would anyone even miss about a man who can’t feel? A man who can’t interact with them like most people? He sobbed, closing his eyes to stop the tears. He didn’t stop shaking, the overwhelming feel of self-hatred and fear came over him, overpowered everything else he could feel or think.  
  
“Dean?” Sam was at the doorway of the room. He rushed over to him, feeling scared. “Dean, are you okay?” He dropped to his knees and pulled him into his arms. “What’s wrong? Why are you…?” _Feeling?_  
  
Dean somehow couldn’t help himself from grabbing onto Sam, needing to hold onto him to make sure he didn’t leave and he cried. He didn’t say anything, only cried.  
  
Sam held Dean, rocking him back and forth gently. He knew, he hoped, he would be okay and he was sure he would, but he feared that something bad was happening to him. Several minutes passed before he asked, “…did you…did you take those drugs? The ones that have been on the news lately.”  
  
Dean nodded. “I’m sorry. Don’t leave me. Please, don’t. I can’t. I just…I can’t. “ Those feelings that the drugs gave him were still there, still taking full effect, but he tried to stop them. “I…Sammy, I took a love…” His voice cracked. “A love one…I love you.”  
  
“I love you, too, Dean, but we-”  
  
“No!” He yelled and then flinched. “No…” He whispered. “I mean. You don’t understand. I’m in love with you. Not love like family, but love like those, those people that you see getting married and having children and kissing and being together. Like that and I know it’s wrong, but god, Sam I just…I think I am. ” He looked at Sam, confused and afraid of himself. “Please don’t leave me. I’ll take it back if you want me to. I will. Just don’t leave. I can’t be alone.”  
  
Sam let go of Dean and stood up.  
  
“Please, Sam, don’t.” He watched Sam turn around and start to walk away. He sobbed loudly. “Sammy, please. I’m scared.”  
  
“Don’t worry. I’m just gonna get you a cup of water, okay?” Sure enough, he came back not even a minute later and handed him the water. Once he made sure Dean drank, he said, “That’ll help with your throat.” He’d done some research on the drugs, afraid that someone he knew would take them. Afraid Dean would.  
  
“Thank you…” He brought a shaky hand up to Sam’s cheek. “You…I’m screwed up, aren’t I? I-”  
  
“No.” Sam grabbed Dean’s hand to stop it from shaking. “No, you’re not. You’re my amazing, perfect older brother and once this wears off, I’m gonna help you.” His only guess was that Dean had taken some sort of fear or depression or maybe even a combo since people were making those lately. “I’ll help you with the side effects or whatever you need. I’m gonna make sure that you’re okay. And then, after all of that, I’m gonna kiss you and if you still feel the same way about me, you’ll kiss me back and everything will be okay. Everything is going to change. Around here, at least. With you. It‘s going to get better.”  
  
Dean practically threw himself in Sam’s arms, unable to stop himself from crying even more. He felt only very slightly safer when Sam wrapped him in a tight embrace, but he had a feeling it was as safe he was going to feel at the moment. He tried to tell himself that Sam was right to calm himself down. Everything would be alright. Everything would change. They would be okay. Together.


End file.
